Aaah, those words I said will always be etched into my memory. Here I was, a 51-year-old guy living a healthy lifestyle. I felt great, I practiced yoga, and I loved to hike the local trails. I had a new girlfriend and I felt Iike I was on top of my little world. My name is Rick Praefke and my Small Lymphocytic Lymphoma (leukemia) cancer diagnosis in March 2012 changed everything in my life in an instant.
A New World
Since then, I have been pricked, poked, and stabbed by more needles than I can count. A blood cancer is nothing but needle pokes. Bone marrow biopsies are the worst. Some people don't mind them, I do. The first time I saw the size of THAT needle I wanted to run. I'm a little guy, 155lbs on a good day and you want to stick me with that? I was told to grip the bars on the side of the bed for support, huh? I'll never forget the burly nurse grunting as she tried to penetrate my pelvic bone, all the while commenting to me about how hard my bones are, right. A wonderful start to my new world.
Leukemia is known to weaken and wreak havoc with your immune system. I found out quickly. A few weeks later, I had a nasty outbreak of shingles causing me to miss almost a month of work. One of my worst experiences--EVER! I had patches of shingles on my back and forearm and around my fingers. I couldn't even pick up a toothbrush. The burning pain from shingles is nonstop and simply awful.
Again, due to low immunity, I contracted an auto-immune disease, (AIHA) Autoimmune hemolytic anemia. My body’s immune system was attacking and destroying my red blood cells faster than my body could produce. For four weeks I had to go to the hospital for a blood infusion. To combat this, my doctor put me on a very high dose of prednisone-80mg daily, a steroid. The side effects were nasty.
While on this, my heartrate increased dramatically. I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest. It was a terrible feeling. Other side effects included insomnia and when I did doze off, I had nightmares. I was on this for a month until I took a turn for the worse.
I woke up and thought I had the flu when my temperature soared to 104 degrees. I was very weak and wobbly. I could not walk a flight of stairs without assistance. They immediately put me in our local small-town hospital, and I was diagnosed with pneumonia....wonderful. After one day, with my health declining the doctor told me we can't do anything more for you here. You need to go to a better-equipped hospital. As a patient, these are not the words you want to hear. I was scared wondering if this is how I was going to die. I was promptly transported high speed by ambulance hooked up with an oxygen mask and seven IV's.
I was in Intensive Care for a week supervised by a team of doctors with different specialties. I was in bad shape. My doctors started me on treatment for my leukemia earlier than I would have preferred because one of the chemo drugs he gave me (Rituximab) was also proven effective at stopping the auto-immune disease. Kind of like hitting two birds with one stone.
Contrary to most cancers, doctors do not start cancer treatment for my type of leukemia right away. In fact, you delay treatment until your white blood cells get high enough or your symptoms start to become bothersome. I was on what they call a "watch and wait" period or as we joke in my leukemia support group, a "watch and worry" period.
Fortunately for me, the chemo and drugs finally started to work, and the auto-immune disease went away, but then I developed neutropenia from chemo. This is where you have dangerously low neutrophils, a type of white blood cell which fights common invaders in your body. If they are low in number, it increases your susceptibility to infection. I needed to take Neulasta, a drug for bone marrow supplementation. It pretty much knocked the crap out of me.
The Neulasta treatment to stimulate my body to produce neutrophils was not kind to me. Every bone in my body ached beyond words. From the top of my head to my toes, where there was bone it hurt, really bad. It was like the aftereffects of getting hit head-on by a semi. They don't prescribe pain medication for this because it isn't effective. I just had to ride it out for a couple of miserable days. Unfortunately, I have had several of those treatments.
Early 2020, I was relapsing and started a new treatment plan. Due to a very high white blood cell count I had a severe reaction to the treatment and experienced a tumor lysis syndrome. This is a condition where your cancer cells die quicker than your body can process disposing of them. My blood pressure dropped rapidly, and my heartrate went below 30. I started to lose consciousness and the nurses quickly called the STAT team. I was able to recover and an hour later I restarted treatment.....WARRIOR!
I've had many other "mini-battles" with leukemia I don't talk much about including fatigue-anemia (love my coffee), easy bruising-low platelets (so damn fragile), and slower recovery from illnesses. Sometimes the wear and tear of daily struggles do get the best of you. All you can do is...just know you're doing the best you can.
What a lot of people don't get is when they look at you and think you are doing really good....they just have no idea what's going on under the hood or the mental challenges that go with your new reality.
So yeah, I have had my share of cancer-related battles over the last few years. There were times I found myself scared, depressed, and beaten down. Life doesn't stop just because you have cancer. It just makes life a whole lot more complicated. While undergoing treatment, I also had to deal with the emotional pain of a broken heart when my girlfriend left me. This sometimes hurt more than dealing with cancer. I was at my lowest during this time. My life just really sucked! I wanted to give up. I was very mentally and emotionally drained.
Everything I worked for and desired was disappearing before my eyes. My finances were depleted. My significant relationship disappeared. I felt like I was getting sucked into this big swirling black hole with no way out. This seemingly lack of control of my life was frustrating and depressing. It took me quite a while to recover from the punch's life was throwing my way. I was tired of taking a beating.
Some of the biggest battles we fight with cancer are inside our heads, it's not the cancer itself. I found it a challenge to stay positive. You may be good for one or two days then down for a couple more. I wanted to get off this emotional roller coaster ride, but this was starting to become my new normal. During this time, I could not get enough inspiration or encouragement. I needed to hear or see encouraging signs I was going to be all right, that I could get thru this.
I was drawn towards inspirational words and slogans about hanging in there and surviving cancer. I was looking for an Art Print with a visual impact I could use to encourage myself. I didn't find anything that appealed to me, so I decided to create one from scratch. I loved it! I made several more and strategically placed them around my home and office. I even put one on my kitchen wall before I walk out the door. The positive impact they had on me was immeasurable. My Art Prints became the catalyst I needed to regain my mental and emotional strength.
I have found these Art Prints to be powerful affirmations and a reflection back to me to fight back, to not give up, despite what life is throwing at me. They are colorful, bold, and definitely defiant. I can relate to that. I look at them as testimonials of the personal battles we face as cancer fighters and the battles yet to come. Not a day goes by where I don't glance at them for inspiration. We cancer fighters need all the encouragement and back-slapping we can get. Your friends and loved ones can only give you so much support. The rest has to come from you.
I love the positive looks on people's faces when they have been received as gifts. I consider them to be a powerful tool in my cancer-fighting arsenal. Cancer is a war on our bodies, and we are in this fight to win, period.
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